You Gotta Have Friends: Chapter 24

In the mean-time my friend Alex called (remember Alex?) She had called me while I was in the hospital and I told her that I would call her back when I was feeling better. Well, I never called her back, I forgot, and now I had to apologize for being rude. I hoped that this incident would not hurt our friendship, because I really like her. Alex was there in the library the day I found out that I had cancer, so in a way she has been with me from day one.
Alex was the first woman that I met through the elementary school that I became friends with whose child did not hang out with my child. We became friends because we liked each other-not because our kids were friends, or that we went to the same Church or worked at the same job, we just enjoyed each other’s company and that meant a lot to me even if I didn't show it. We talked for a while then set a date for us to meet for coffee.
Meanwhile the parents of my daughter’s friends have also been very helpful to me.
“Do you want me to take the girls for a few hours?” they would ask. During the summer Ronnie’s friend Tina and her family went to the movies every Wednesday morning. The move theater at the local mall (a 20 minute drive) showed older movies (last years hit) for $2.00, at 9:30a.m. Sometimes they would invite Ronnie, then she will go to their house and play for awhile. Leah’s phone calls and invitations were as numerous as ever. Along with taking my child(ren) for a few hours, often the mothers come to my house to pick up the child(ren) and bring them back, this was a great help.
Other friends of mine offered to take the girls for awhile, but the girls didn't want to go. Only twice did we get them to go on an outing that did not include other children. One of these outings was a trip to Dairy Queen with Alice, a big hit. And the other outing is with Fran, one of my co-workers. She took the girls to a bird sanctuary and then a stop at Dairy Queen (Hey, if it works). Again the outing was a big hit. Mark and I try to get them out and about as often as we could, even when it is a play date with one of their friends it is a hard sell. The girls just didn't want to leave me, they wanted to hang out in my dark bedroom watch travel videos with me, or just talk. Like my guard cats they become guard kids.
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We worried that they are spending too much time with their recovering mother, but we didn’t have a solution for the problem. Once again my co-workers and church ladies solved the problem by giving us a membership to the community pool. I still don’t know who arranged it or who paid for it, but suddenly one day Paula one of my co-workers hands me an envelope that contains the membership. The community pool is actually three pools and a snack bar on an acre lot. There is a kiddy wading pool, an intermediate pool for the 5-10 crowd and a general pool with two diving boards. We have joined the pool in the past and the girls love going there, but we didn't get around to joining it this year.
So a few mornings each week Mark drives us there (I am not driving yet) he gets me settled in a chase lounges and leave, the girls look for friends and hop in to the pool. Soon we find our summer routine with me getting better everyday; I can participate in my daughter's lives more and more.
This was about the time when my life as a hermit ended, I like to be alone, a good book or a game of solitaire was my idea of having fun. First I used the excuse of going back to college (I got my B.A. in 1999) they I used the excuse of "The Children" for me not being sociable. I was able to avoid unwanted innovations or if I had to go to the event-to leave early because the "Girls" needed me. People didn't think that I was rude (I was) they thought that I was a "Super Mom." But, I found it hard to ignore people when they were tripping over each other to do nice things for me.
People were just being nice to me because they wanted to; also I realized that they were being nice to me because I let them. Unbeknownst to any of us, all this kindness brought me kicking and screaming out of my shell. I remember a phone conversation I had with my sister Joan about a year after my surgery she said something like;
"I like this new Traci, she is more fun-please don't return back to the old Traci." Funny, I thought I went in to the hospital to be cured of cancer, the surgery also seemed to cure me of being an introvert.