Chapter Five...Growing Children

June 1st seemed so far away, I couldn't understand why they were making me wait so long. Mark and I decided not to tell the girls anything about the tumors until we knew whether or not there was anything really wrong with me. Meanwhile we had to conduct ourselves as if everything was normal which was pretty hard considering that one of sisters or my father was calling me about every five minutes.

Waiting;
On May 11 we had Leah’s birthday party, another sleepover (am I crazy?). This party was less stressful because it was the first sleepover for most of the six and seven year-olds, so they were a little nervous, which made them behave better.
Because it was a beautiful spring night I was able to let the kids play outside. I let them play for a long time, which tired them-out. That made the rest of the night easier.
And waiting; My sisters and my father keep calling me asking why I had to wait so long for my biopsy! I didn't know. I tried to keep busy so that the time would go by faster.
The next event up was Mother’s Day, on other Mother's Days all I asked for were home made Cards and a day that I didn't have to cook. But this year Mother's Day was different. On other Mother's Days I would look at my beautiful girls and I wouldn’t wonder if there were going to be any more Mother's Days and I felt sad.
"Stop it." I told me self "Stop thinking like that." The day was hard to get through.
Next there was the annual Spring Concert where Ronni was singing in the choirs and playing clarinet in the school band. The concert was standing room only, it was hot and the acoustics were not very good, but there wasn't a parent there who wasn't beaming with pride. I got misty-eyed wondering about the concerts I might not be around to see.
"Stop thinking like that, You will be alright." I talked to myself a lot that month.

And waiting:
On the twenty-fourth I took the girls for their annual check-up, normally this is a non-event, but today I was scared, what if the doctor finds something wrong with them? I could not do this alone us because I was so on edge, so I asked Mark to come with us.
My girls are the most important people in the world to me. It was their image that flashed in my mind when I was being told that I had a tumor. After all like most people I hear the word tumor and think: tumor=cancer=death. "I can not have cancer. I can not die because I have two wonderful little girls that need a mother." I said this to myself and over again, trying to keep calm.
I have a great husband who is quite capable of taking care of our daughters. But, no mater how fantastic he is, he is not their mother. I realize that my daughters are only 7 and 10 but the reality is they are going to be teenagers before you know it.
Next fall Ronni will be entering Middle School (personally I think that 10 is too young for Middle School), and with that comes all the gossip and back stabbing that happens when girls make the transition from child to teenager. I don't like to think about it, but all too soon my girls will be experiencing their first boyfriend, first kiss and (sob, sob) their first heartbreak. I can not be sick - I have to be here for them.